Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving...

So I usually don't like Thanksgiving. I mean I used to love it as a kid. My Dad would get up real early and start the turkey and my Mom would make her famous A-1 and Tobasco with cream cheese dip served with Ritz crackers (it tastes better than it sounds though a few years ago we finally named it the "White Trash Dip").
We always watched the Detroit Lions play football and always rooted for them.
Then I became the Mom and I didn't really like getting up early to start the turkey and Doug made fun of my White Trash Dip and after working in the hot kitchen for hours the meal is over in 20 minutes and then it's on to the dishes. Seriously, does that sound like fun to anyone?!
Then 4 years ago when Reagan was in the hospital Thanksgiving became a defining moment of hope...the day the she was off of oxygen and we thought for sure she'd be home for Christmas.

That was November 25 and she died on November 28.

Thanksgiving would never be the same. I know it's wrong, but it is hard for me to feel thankful when my memories are so full of the loss we still feel.
So I have learned and tried to find gratitude in the little things. One of those is not only a small gesture, but it is an amazing moment. It was the day we (Sara Downs, Marcia French, Nicole Arnold and Kim Spotts) went to dress our baby girl. Her spirit was so strong in that room. It was peaceful. After she was loved and lotioned her beautiful white dress that Patty (Montgomery) made was carefully placed on her. Mark Starnes even came to do her hair :-) Her tiny feet were snuggled into her booties from Kim. She was wrapped in a soft satin blanket and placed in my arms and she was smiling! It was amazing...She had been peaceful before but now in her "going home princess clothes" and in my arms she smiled.
Everyone in the room saw it and we wept at the significance and the joy of a moment like that. I hadn't seen her smile. Now I knew that she had a beautiful, silly, lop-sided smile. We knew that she wasn't alone. We knew that we weren't alone.
And so this year we planned to have a turkey with ourselves and watch movies and probably, on my part, indulge in a little "I wish..."
Especially after attending Sister Kinnett's memorial service in the chapel and going to the cemetery on Wednesday. Wow! That sure brought up a lot of emotions and I was beat after that.
But I have a guardian angel now and so at the last minute we got together with the Norton's and had a terrific dinner at their house!

Kian watching Ben and being amazed...Coley is just being Coley!

Sid and Traci in "turkey deconstruction mode". It was all delicious!

Kian wand Adam having a "slurping" contest.
Kian loved every minute of it and we had plenty of good food, great conversation and a lot of laughs. Not to mention PIE!

So I thank Traci from the bottom of my heart for asking us and I am grateful that my Heavenly Father knows me and what I need.
So maybe I won't hate Thanksgiving anymore. If only I could get someone else to make the turkey!

1 comment:

jendoop said...

If you're trying to make me cry- it's working!!
Thanks for sharing your feelings about Reagan. I think about her (especially this time of year) and wonder how much you do too.

I didn't know Sister Kinnet passed away. I visited her frequently way back when I was in the RS presidency.

You know how jealous I am that you got to spend Thanksgiving with the Nortons? Can't think of what I wouldn't give to have been there with all of you. (Don't tell anyone but it has the potential for being better than being with family.)