Happy Birthday Mom!!

Mom age 2

Today would be Mom's 66th birthday. As I write this I remember how young she truly was. She has been gone almost 2 years now. I still miss her.
Even though as I've said before, losing your mother is the natural way of things (as opposed to losing your children first) but there is something a girl always needs her Mom for. When Mackenzie made it into the National Junior Honor Society recently I wanted to tell my Mom. She would have been SO proud! Those are the kinds of things that you want to share. I won't be able to tell her all about Kian's Pre-K graduation this week and send her pictures. There will be no "Mam" in the audience beaming because a little boy is "graduating" from pre-school. My great sadness is that Kian does not have a relationship with my Mom or Dad. I can only talk about Mom and share stories and pictures with him.

So now let me share some memories--She got her name Mam from the TV show Webster. She was babysitting a little boy named Brad and he was just like part of the family and she wanted a name that he could call her that would not be formal but was easy to say. Merrilyn was kind of hard for the little kids. Somehow we came up with Mam which I think on the show was short for Madam, but it didn't seem formal at all. It stuck and all of her grandkids call her that.

My Mom, Merrilyn Louise--age 9 months

Merrilyn Louise--First grade 1950

Then there are the things that I never even thought to ask her...

• How do you get the potatoes soft and brown when you are making a pot roast?
• How old was the girl on the Mike Douglas show where you saw my name spelled with a "C"?
• What year was that Ford Mustang convertible that we had for awhile?
• What was your favorite movie?
• Are these Iris's from my grandma or yours?
• What was your first date with Dad like?
• What was your favorite food?
• Do you have any regrets?
• Do you miss me or are you too busy?!
  

I do know some things about my Mom...She loved Reese's Peanut Butter cups, popcorn, swimming, camping and just being outside. She had a super green thumb and I never took advantage of her knowledge. She didn't have a great relationship with her Mom when she was a teenager, so I think she tried really hard to have a better one with me. It didn't always work, but we got there. She loved to read and later I found out, write. She was very loyal and loved fiercely.

My Mom with her parents Betty Louise and Merrill Hansen October 1959

Mom at high school graduation June 1961

She never went to college. She was a Mom when she was 19. She loved her kids and grand kids. She was so beautiful.She loved to talk and she loved to talk about mundane things that were SO tedious! Maybe we always have regrets when someone we love leaves us too soon, but I will forever wish that I had talked to my Mom every day.
She would have loved that, but I was too impatient and conversations with my Mom always seemed to last forever. But then again, they really don't do they?

My Mom and brothers Lee and Frank and me 1970
(Why am I the only one who doesn't match and what is Frank looking at?!)

I know there was SO much more to my Mom that I never bothered to find out. We always think we have forever or we can't be bothered with finding out or we just don't know what will be important when they are gone.
I love you Mom, I miss you.
I know that you are happy now that you are with Dad. I am sorry that your last days were so painful. I am sorry that I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry that I didn't spend more time with you on the phone.
I missed you when you moved from here!
I will treasure our last conversation when you told me how great my kids were and that it was a testament to what great parents they had.
I had the best example...

Merrilyn Louise Hansen Zabel Davis
May 18, 1943--June 22, 2007