Well, many of you know some or most of our struggles of the last 4 and a half years. For whatever reason since the death of our baby daughter life has seen fit to smack us in the face at every turn. At least it seems that way. As Doug would say, "I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel and then I realize it is the train".
It seems that nothing has gone "our way" and every year, month by month we have sunk deeper into that money pit called debt. No matter how hard we try or how many corners we cut or how much we have found that we can "do without" we never can get above the surface. I feel that I have really tried to see the wisdom and have an eternal perspective on all of it, but it is becoming increasingly difficult and no one seems to get it.
Now we have virtually no income and no idea of what our future holds.
I grew up in a feast or famine life. We had money and then we didn't, but I can tell you that my Dad did not believe in letting some one struggle for the sake of character. Or letting your family suffer and figure it out. Even if you had made mistakes or it was somehow your fault. Be it right or wrong, my Dad is the proverbial "give the shirt off his back". He was always there for his kids. In the old days I would have told my Mom of our struggles and trials and I would have the money. We would probably be on our way to their house where we could live while Doug got his teaching degree and we could regroup while preparing to rebuild our lives. But my parents are gone.
So things are dim....very dim.
Maybe nobody realizes how bad, but then how can they? Who wants to talk about it? I do it now so that you will understand the magnitude of my gratitude when I share this.
April was the first month that we felt the full force of what unemployment means and how difficult things were actually going to be.
I realized too late that we were going to have trouble paying for Kian's school so it was late as I was frantically trying to juggle things around.
Last week I had to accept that paying for another month was impossible and Kian would not be able to go anymore. I couldn't possibly get that far behind. So as agonizing as it was I told his teachers and then I prayed that we would find the way to pay what we owe and be able to leave with great memories of a wonderful school year.
Well, I have been informed that our balance has been paid in full and we owe nothing to the school! I was stunned...Normally people might be unwilling to share their unfortunate circumstances and explain how they were the recipients of charity. I do this now, with all sincerity and humility so that I can make it known that no one ever expects to be in this position. We always think it will happen to somebody else.
I never dreamed one of my children would die.
I never dreamed Doug would not be employed. Don't salesmen always work?
I never dreamed we would finally be able to buy our first house and then we would have to sell it.
I never dreamed that we wouldn't have insurance.
I never dreamed that $50 would some days seem like $1000.
People of our age and "status" have no idea what it is like to wake up every day with the gnawing in the pit of your stomach and wonder who will call today demanding to be paid and when will you be able to get your kids new shoes? A lot of us have felt that if you are having money troubles it is somehow your own fault... Right? Just get a job. Just pay your bills. Just stop whining. But it is not that easy.
And yet SOME ONE has thought of it and has done something and whoever you are I want you to know that I PRAY that I will have the opportunity some day to be in a position to do this for some one else.
Whoever you are I can never thank you for the relief I am feeling.
For now I have "been there" and I know that what may seem insignificant to you is astronomical to some one else.
I will be dedicated to looking for ways to make a difference to some one who may be hurting, hiding, struggling and hoping.
Some one took the time to help us and I can never be grateful enough.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!